Our Story So Far December 29, 2010Posted by thegodless in Uncategorized.
The following article is a literal interpretation of God’s creation of man. While I fully intend to add heaps of snark, all information presented will be referenced directly from the Bible.
In the beginning, during six days of creation, an all powerful and all knowing God decided to create man out of dirt. Three things immediately come to mind when I hear this tale; First, the Biblical authors, when attempting to craft the miraculous story of our creation, must not have had the divine foresight to know that Alchemy would eventually be proven to be a scam. Second, why would an all powerful God need a precursor material to create man? Didn’t God just create the Universe out of nothing. Maybe during our creation, like Creationists like to argue, God suddenly realized that he can’t just create things out of nothing. With man’s creation out of the way, God got to work creating all of the lesser creations like the Antelope, Velicoraptor, HIV, Parasitic worm, Black Adder, woman, and rats capable of carrying the Black Plague. Third, why would an all powerful God, that most Creationists like to claim exists outside of time, need so much time to do his creating? Instead of going through the creation of the heavens and the earth and later the creation of water fowl, why not, within a split second, just say let there be everything? Anyways, once the all powerful God had finished up all of his tiresome acts of thinking things into existence, he declared that he needed a day of rest. The story then goes that God looked upon all of his creation and claimed that it was good, which would be like President Obama giving himself an approval rating.
As our creation story progresses, God, having said that everything he created was good, then went about banishing his first creations, forcing incest upon them and their children, committing worldwide genocide, and condeming many of his good creations to Hell. The tragic tale of man’s origins under an oppressive and vindictive creator will continue in the next exciting installment of the Godless Blog. Until then I leave you with a quote from the first atheist rapper.
“I don’t give a shit if he created me, that don’t give him the right to commit genocide and act crazily.” -Greydon Square