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Zombies need God too. April 28, 2011

Posted by thegodless in atheism.
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Isaiah 42:26 “I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh, and they shall be drunk with their own blood as with wine.”

Considering all of the flesh eating, dead body raising, and nonsensical grunts and moans contained in the Bible, it’s a wonder that George Romero and Robert Kirkman aren’t having to pay royalties.

For many nonbelievers, it is impossible to escape the fact that zombies are a fairly accurate metaphor for people that willing shut off their thinking caps in the name of faith. It’s also an odd coincidence that many of these people also happen to symbolically feast on flesh and blood. I would argue though, that to truly be a lamb of God, one must first become a brain dead flesh eating zombie (God’s words, not mine). The Bible is rife with verses and commands supporting anti-intellectualism and if it is to be believed, God would appear to want zombies more than sheep.

Since most everyone knows about the traditions involving the Eucharist, I would like to briefly highlight God’s opinions regarding human zombification (aka anti-intellectualism). One must not look for long to find God’s first attempt at keeping man as a stupid pet animal, for instance; In Genesis, humanity’s very first mistake against God was the horrific act of simply seeking knowledge. Furthermore, the Old Testament also claims that people’s reasoning abilities are unreliable and deceptive. It goes as far to warn that: “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”

Because the Old Testament commands that people should not rely upon their own intellect and understanding, Christianity has inherited a system by which few can escape. By teaching that we are incapable of truly understanding things, Christianity has given us a population of people that no longer see a need to even try. Not only can Christianity turn reasonable people into zombies, it can turn zombies into couch potatoes. At least zombies are motivated enough to seek out brrrrraaaiiiiiiiinnnsss!

What it all really comes down to though, is that the authors and editors of the Bible had very specific motives to their writings. There is one sure fire way to keep people in line and that is to get them to willingly shut down their reasoning powers. Can it be any wonder that governments all around the world have seized upon Christianity?